How To ... START YOUR OWN JIHADI MOVEMENT!

1. Misconstrue the term ‘Jihad’.
2. Find other like-minded imbeciles.
3. Set up a committee.
4. Call it the Supreme Committee.
5. Do not disclose it is a committee of imbeciles (Bad for recruitment).
6. Propose a name for the movement.
7. It must begin with “THE ARMY OF … (some suitable arabic word)”.
8. Set up a website to create fanbase.
9. Issue press statement to inform the world that there is a new kid on the block.
10. Email must begin with “… O’ Godless / Western / Dajjal / Satanic / Christian / Jewish / Zionist / Masonic / Illuminati (please cross out where not applicable) … Media”.
11. Set up ‘training camp’.
12. Shoot video of military training. Preferably poorly recorded and shaky.
13. Misuse religious hymns and songs as background music.
14. Post video on YouTube.
15. Find appropriate candidate for suicide bombing.
16. Preferably naïve and stupid. If no one can meet both criteria, pick the naïve one. Stupid candidates are liable to blow up your own HQ.
17. Act sad that you cannot be the one to do the job yourself because you are needed ‘to lead the movement’.
18. Repeat step 15 and onward.