How To ... BE A MALAY

1. Don’t read much.
2. Always play the victim.
3. Aim low.
4. Sell vote cheap.
5. Believe government propaganda.
6. Then believe opposition propaganda.
7. Listen to your leaders, however stupid they may be.
8. Don’t listen to opposing / alternative views.
9. Be politically inactive and watch the country crumble.
10. Be politically active. Then be naïve and fail. Or play the game and make a name/money... While watching the country crumble.
11. Ignore the teeming masses of Malays unable to save at all.
12. Allow banks to drown Malays in credit card debts.
13. Steal ideas from Malay businessmen.
14. Gerrymander the education system to leave Malays barely employable.
15. But send your children to private school.
16. Support Malay business by squeezing them for every pound of flesh that they can stand. Then squeeze some more.
17. Borrow money to spend, not expand.
18. Get a second wife.
19. Validate your life with conspicuous consumption.
20. Validate your life with conspicuous piety.
21. Get government contract / concession and sub it out.
22. Use religion to compensate your lack of success.
23. Stand eyes-wide open in awe, and watch as foreigners work like dogs to succeed in your own country.
24. Do nothing to improve your condition. But do a whole lot of envying.
25. Be the proverbial frog under the coconut shell.
26. Retain same frog-under-the-coconut-shell attitude. But now stand on top of the shell and shout it out to the world. So that everyone knows just how horribly ignorant, narrow-minded and intolerant you are.
27. Be a global citizen with global loyalty. Malaysia? Its just an address.
28. After doing all this, pour scorn on your own people and forget that you too are, alas, a Malay.

How To ... REDUCE THE RELEVANCE OF PARLIAMENT

1. Propose to shift the Parliament to Putrajaya.

2. Ignore the fact that if anyone(not naming any country here!) wants to disable the government of the country, they can just hit one single target. Wipe the slate clean. Year Zero for Malaysia.

3. Propose to relocate the country's No.1 elected representative assembly into the Putrajaya International Convention Centre.

4. Ignore my view that the PICC is, as a parliment building, hideous. Come on... look at it. Out-of-the-world-ugly. A building only a Martian could love. It is the Alien Mother Ship.


5.Ignore history. Ignore heritage. Ignore good taste. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

6. And with the exile of the Parliament to the hinterlands, away from the bustle and vitality of Kuala Lumpur, you can finally ignore the citizens of the country's capital. The biggest and most metropolitan city in Malaysia. Come on. Admit it. You never really liked us.

7. Ignore the objections of MPs who rather keep the Parliament as is. But in the long run, they are likely to follow their political antenna.

8. Ignore the view that a parliament should always be within immediate reach of the populace. Much easier for the masses to lay seige and storm the place. This is good. Keeps our politicians (whether they are Jedis or Siths) on their toes. Or maybe this is their reason? See step 6.

9. Do it. Come on. Why wait for the viability report. The fact you are even considering this proposal seriously is the best joke of the month. Well, not counting the French soccer team, that is.

How To ... LOSE AN ELECTION

1. Get elected into Federal / State Government.
1. Hire consultants to jive up your administration with 'an initiative'. Preferably with a catchy slogan and general enough so that no one can really criticize.
2. Opposition fails to land a shot because the slogan is successfully vague and politically-correct.
3. However, administration also fails to appear 'cutting edge' because the initiative is too grey and remains drifting in the peripheral consciousness of electorate. We however get a lot of signages. Leaders begins to believe own spin and thinks the nation-wide use of logos / symbols / soundbites of the initiative is reflective of majority support (or at least sympathies)
4. Grassroots blame Leaders for being unresponsive to their complaints.
5. Leaders blame grassroots for not being responsive to Leaders' initiatives.
6. Grassroots believe that Leaders are unconnected to the silent majority.
7. Leaders believe that Grassroots are the one unconnected to the silent majority.
8. Incumbent party calls for election one year before the end of its 5 year term.
9. Encumbent party OR opposition party wins.
10. Political malaise continues, because even though there is ALWAYS a WINNER, the nation as a whole has lost the election. Again.
11. Repeat process from step 1.