How To Be ... MY MALAY LEADER!

I am a Malay and there is a great big leader-shaped hole in my heart. Can you be my leader? If you are not sure, run yourself through my own patented How To Be My Malay Leader, and see how you score.

1. Do you want to lead? If you are leading, where are you taking me? Into the next week? The next year? Next century? If you are not thinking at least 5 decades ahead, I am not interested.

2. Do you know where you are from? After all, to begin leading, you need to start somewhere. And to understand where you are now, you need to know how you got there in the first place. Too difficult a concept to understand? Then, forget it.

3. How do you score in history? See step 2 for relevance.

4. Too timid? Too afraid to hurt feelings? I am looking for someone with Ceasar-like qualities. Which means can you be a bit of a bastard? If you bleat like a sheep, maybe this is not the job for you. We are looking for Lions.

5. Age and refinement. Unless you have the intelligence and determination of Pitt the Younger, don't try it, boy. You know who you are.

6. How is your morality? Really, I am not looking for a saint. Who cares if you used to sow your oats far and wide. But do you have the energy to look after my children’s need if you are easily distracted by a bit of crumpet? Your call.

7. How are your manners? In this context, manners include customs and traditions of the Adab Melayu. Score poorly? Its okay if you are willing to learn, but at your age, can you change?

8. Principles. It is good to have principles, but if you can start with proper Adab, that is good to begin with.

9. How’s your sciences? I am not asking for Einstein, but basic knowledge of the combustion engine is a plus.

10. Rich or not? Its okay to have money, even to flaunt it a little is fine. But for God’s sake, have a little class. Some good taste. If you cannot trust yourself, find a decent designer. And please don’t go for the post-modernist minimalism so common nowadays. You are not Ozzies, are you? Even though you may have house(s) there. You know who you are.

11. Sexuality. This is a touchy subject. Successfully heterosexual must a minimum standard. Sorry, but Bung Mokhtar gotta be comfortable with you in the parliamentary showers.

12. Wife? To quote my buddy Julius, “Ceasar’s wife must be above suspicion.”

13. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Are you fit? Do you have a mid-life paunch developing? I want a healthy and bouncy leader. You should be able to do 1km in 7 minutes.

14. Intelligence and wit. Mandatory requirement.

15. Must love the Malays. That goes without saying, doesn’t it? But these days, and looking at the current cadre… sigh, you cannot be too sure.

16. Charisma. That would pay dividend.

We are looking for genuine good leaders not because we believe in democracy, but in spite of democracy. Do you have what it takes to unite the Malays? If you think you do, cross the Rubicon. We are waiting.

p.s. Sorry for the Roman metaphors. Just finished reading Adrian Goldsworthy’s “CEASAR”. Sublime. That means “limau kasi kurang” in Latin.